i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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