So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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