why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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