he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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