I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
