Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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