I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
