The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
