there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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