Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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