my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
