I'll bet she douches with gravy.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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