I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
