my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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