tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
