Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize