we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
