I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
