you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
