Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
