Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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