I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
