...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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