I just pynch a tree in the face
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
