i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My bed smells like the plague
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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