kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
