In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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