is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's shark week go big or go home
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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