so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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