Your mouth is God's brothel.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
