Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
