apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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