ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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