I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
