My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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