too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
