Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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