Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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