I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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