I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
