True but thats because hes a fetus.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
