You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
