So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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