So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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