I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
