But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
