We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
