I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
