First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
