last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
