it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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