Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
