Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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