no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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