So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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