Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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