It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
