The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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