Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize