I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
