I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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