Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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