So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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