Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
