I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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