exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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