I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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