I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We left an ass print on the piano.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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