I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
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look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
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I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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