Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
